How To Fight With Your Spouse

1. Zip it

When you find yourself getting ready to say something you’ll likely regret zip it, zip it real good! Listen, I know this might not settle well with some of y’all but hear me out before you form a mob! I clearly believe your voice matters and you should use it but not at the expense of others.

In the heat of the moment I do my best to remember to be slow to anger and quick to forgive and man is it hard! Don’t allow a moment of frustration to inflict a wound that will linger long after the argument is settled. Choose your words wisely.

Life and death are in the power of the tongue. – Proverbs 18:21, CSB

2. Forgive

I forgive _________ for ________.

Forgiveness is difficult. When you chose to forgive you’re not condoning the actions that caused you pain or removing responsibility from the guilty party. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse their actions but it does lift the burden of carrying the resentment and anger their actions caused within you.

But you don’t know what they’ve done… You’re right. I don’t but God does, give it to Him.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ. – Ephesians 4:32, CSB

3. Release

I release _________ from my ________.

Example: I release my spouse from my anger, bitterness and revenge ect.

I repeat this phrase over and over again until I truly mean the words coming out of my mouth. When we hold onto our pain we allow it to fester and poison our relationships. Love keeps no record of wrongs.

Do not allow bitterness to take root. -Hebrews 12:15, NLT

4. Bless & Confess

Bless: Ask God to bless your spouse and bring unity to your marriage. Pray for him to find favor in the eyes of his superiors and peers. Ask the Lord to bless the labor of his hands and grant him rest. Your spouse is not your enemy even though I’m sure it might feel that way sometimes! Remember we do not fight against flesh and blood, our battle is spiritual. The devil is waging war against your marriage. Don’t allow him to create a rift in your relationship. It’s difficult to remain angry at someone you’re actively praying for.

But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. – Matthew 5:44, NKJV

Confess: Here comes my least favorite part of an argument. Ugh. Admitting I’m wrong… Yes ladies, it happens more often than I care to admit! I’m guilty of jumping to conclusions, lashing out and clanging the dishes in the sink louder then necessary to express my discontent. Yup, I’m a sinner in need of forgiveness. I play a major role in our disagreements! I’m not the perfect wife and I don’t have a perfect marriage. However, love covers a multitude of sins. Restoration is made possible through repentance and forgiveness.

Therefore confess your sin to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. – James 5:16, NIV

5. Edify

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Choose to speak truth and encouragement over your spouse. Build him up with your words instead of tearing him down. Start with one thing he does well, something that you truly appreciate and express your gratitude. Write a note, send a text or whisper it in his ear. Magnify his strengths and take time to encourage him.

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. – Philippians 4:8, NIV

We all have broken relationships in our lives, friendships, significant others and family… I certainly don’t have it all figured out! My life isn’t exempt from heartache because I’m a Christian. Dare I say it ensures it but I’ll never have to endure it alone.

Sweet friend, there is nothing too difficult or insignificant to bring to God. Involve Him in the gritty moments. Invite Jesus into your marriage! He is willing and able!

Let us fight for the ones we love instead of fighting with them. This battle is won on our knees!

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